I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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