He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
