my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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