i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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