Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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