is your mom at the bar?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
In other news, I just burned my penis
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
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