I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
