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• (410): View more from Maryland

  cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me

  Fav 11 825 2332

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• (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.

  Fav 24 10050 1752

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• (520): View more from Arizona

  Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.

  Fav 6 5084 1204

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• (415): View more from California

  apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window

  Fav 9 4177 1290

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."

  Fav 5 2003 1382

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• (+64): View more from New Zealand

  I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..

  Fav 6 1506 924

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• (910): View more from North Carolina

  I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.

  (910): View more from North Carolina

  My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.

  Fav 4 891 1425

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.

  Fav 3 1102 593

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I mean come on

  Fav 9 616 1083

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• (406): View more from Montana

  Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.

  Fav 1 639 428

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.

  Fav 2 487 627

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• (518): View more from New York

  I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.

  Fav 0 572 323

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• (224): View more from Illinois

  Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.

  Fav 0 480 236

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• (407): View more from Florida

  He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong

  Fav 1 343 181

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• (845): View more from New York

  my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.

  Fav 0 51 30

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