she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
