$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
