this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I FOUND THE LEGS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
