I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
