Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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