I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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