Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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