Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
