he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
