After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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