She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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