Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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