we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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