okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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