I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
