I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
