Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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