I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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