what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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