yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
