I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
