Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
