apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
