I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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