Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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