I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
