dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
