Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
