I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
