i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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