my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
