dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
