Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
