My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
