So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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