i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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