did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
