There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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