We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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