xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
