I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
