Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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