my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
