Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
