She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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