if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
